


The Goddamned Batman

by tielan



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Female Friendship, Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Render Unto Caesar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 06:59:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5903044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/pseuds/tielan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Maria's opinion, a prank that requires someone else to clean up after you isn't a prank; it's a dick move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Goddamned Batman

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be the second in a series of fics about the women of the MCU interacting in various ways; the first was [Admiring The Hawk](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4857374) (Peggy & Maria). 
> 
> For Day 1 of the Halfamoon Prompt Challenge: **women being awesome**.
> 
> Also for my Ladies Bingo box: _Render Unto Caesar_ \- or, as I like to think of it "give what's due".

Any cellphones are supposed to be turned off during debriefings.

So when the tinny blare of ‘ _BATMAN!_ ’ fills the room, everyone stops in surprise – and to stare for just a moment. Because whoever’s cellphone that is will have to reach for it – or let the sound trace back to them, and when Agent Coulson finds out who it is, there’ll be hell—

Coulson pauses in his death-glare of irritation around the room and suddenly pats his own suit pocket. Since he was nearly at Maria, she gets to see his expression as it shifts from startlement to alarm to chagrin. He glances at the caller ID and winces as he picks up the call.

“Director Fury. This isn’t a good time.”

The titters around the room are swiftly muffled, and someone guffaws, but few of the agents are quite able to completely hide their amusement.

Maria struggles with her expression for a few seconds before she gets her amusement under control. And notes that Agent May has started pinning people with a minatory look. Exactly how she does this while managing to give the impression that she’s grinning from ear to ear on the inside, Maria has not yet managed to work out, but she’s damned well going to learn.

Coulson finishes the call, switches the cellphone to silent, and tucks it away in his chest pocket. Then he keeps on with the debriefing.

The phone doesn’t ring again.

Afterwards, people gather together in little clumps on their way out, whispering to each other, wondering who pranked Coulson and how they did it.

May is talking with Coulson, grinning openly as she taps his pocket and says something arch – something which earns her a hard and narrowed-eyed gaze. She shakes her head in negation of the question he asks, then pats him on the shoulder and heads for the door.

Maria gathers her things and follows. As her SO, May will probably have further insights into the debriefing, which Maria knows she’ll share if she gets May alone. She reaches the elevator lobby just as one of the elevators arrive and a cluster of suited agents hurry out, along with one scrappy-haired tech.

“Hit Level 18,” May tells her as she steps into the car. Maria hits the button, and the doors slide shut. “I’ve seen a few pranks at S.H.I.E.L.D. As they go, that was one of the best. Public, embarrassing but not humiliating, and technically clever.”

Maria stares at the closed doors and tells herself that May can’t _know_. She’s just fishing. And Maria doesn’t have to take the bait. The question is how much she trusts May – and how May feels about the prank. “It would’ve taken a lot of co-ordination.”

“And a fine sense of the appropriate.”

“If you were going to prank Coulson, you’d better have a sense of the appropriate.” When May gives her a look for the grim tone, she shrugs. “The exploding toilets at the Tech Academy?”

“Ah, yes. I heard about that – more for the extent of the clean-up required.”

Hours of mop-wielding, by anyone who’d earned a black mark that week at the Tech Academy. And since the Dean of Tech had persuaded the Dean of Ops that it had been one of the Ops students, anyone who’d earned a black mark that week at Ops got roped in.

“A prank that requires other people to clean up after you isn’t a prank; it’s a dick move.”

“Strong words, but I agree.” May glances at her. “What I can’t work out is how they got the ringtone onto Coulson’s phone…”

Maria purses her lips, like she's thinking. “The phones are given regular encryption updates. It’s a brief window, but I guess it could be done. Unless Coulson leaves his phone just lying around, and I can’t see that.”

“True.” Her SO gives her a look. “That security hole needs to be mentioned to Tech.”

“I’ll send them an email.”

The elevator announces Level 18, and May shifts her stance ready to walk out when the doors open, but glances at Maria with a swift, appreciative smile.

“Well done, Agent Hill.”

Maria keeps her head down, and her expression neutral, but a smile gleams behind her eyelids, as she follows May demurely out.


End file.
